The all-CGI, 3D release Beowulf kicks off the holiday fantasy season with a bang. What other force on earth can draw together English Lit majors and frat boys gawking at Angelina Jolie’s naked boobs? Everyone’s anxious to see the spectacle of an all-CGI movie. We’ve been disappointed in the past, but we’re still hopeful. We love the shinies, oh yes we do. From the previews, we all know the movie looks stunning. But does the story hold its own? More or less. I enjoyed it more than the book, at least.

Beowulf is an ancient English tale about a boastful warrior (Beowulf) who vows to save a small Danish kingdom from Grendel - a man-eating troll. Through the course of the movie, we learn why the kingdom has been cursed, and what other evils lie in store for those who are brave enough to face them. The new screenplay adds some interpretations and irony onto the original poem, turning this from a hack-n-slash tale of trials into a story more suitable to hold our attention spans for two hours of visuals.

Please don’t bring your children to this movie. If you’ve never read Beowulf or aren’t familiar with ancient literature, then you may not know that these stories are usually very violent. Though you may equate animation with cartoons, this is not a kids movie, and unless you have no problems letting your children watch Beowulf hack various parts off grotesque and disfigured demons, do us all a favor and hire a babysitter.

Rating:

Staring: Ray Winstone, Robin Wright Penn, Anthony Hopkins, John Malkovich, Angelina Jolie, Crispin Glover

Directed by: Robert Zemeckis

Written by: Neil Gaiman and Roger Avary, adapted from the anonymous English poem.

The film doesn’t attain Apocalypto-like levels of violence, but enough to push the envelope. If you’re a fantasy action enthusiast, you’ll love the epic battles. Grendel bursts into the hall and picks up every nearby human, crashes them to the ground, uses humans to beat on other humans, and tears people in half. A very impressive dragon makes an appearance in the last act of the movie, and Beowulf fights on his back, hacking at his wings and fiery throat as the dragon proceeds to destroy half the Danish city. Yay, dragons! We never see Mommy’s true form, but it’s hinted at in her reflections, and in point-of-view shots with her tentacles caressing Grendel, her monstrous son.

The graphics are beautiful. Most of the people look like people, Ms. Jolie among them. The 3D affects were a constant delight to many of the moviegoers, who constantly OOHed and AHHed at the tips of spears protruding towards the camera, pebbles flying up into their faces as horses ran a cobbled road, and deep, snowy landscapes wooshing into view. For all the awe-inspiring graphics, there are still plenty of problems in rendering the characters. Queen Wealthow was so meek and withdrawn in her body language that she looked like a cartoon. Many of the movements in action sequences were too fast or too smooth to look natural. And the movie seemed to use two lighting schemes only - dark shadows cast by glowing fires indoors, or stark, monochromatic winter landscapes. But the graphics do their job rather well, because after awhile, you forget about the 3D goodies and CGI humans until the next 3D trick comes at you. I don’t like the gimmick, but I think that CGI has the potential to be the best format for fantasy movies. Supernatural elements are better immersed in a CGI movie than they are in a live-action film that adds CGI afterwards.
For those wanting to see Angelina as her creator made her, you might want to stay home and watch the Apple trailer, because the trailer has almost all of her nude scenes in the movie. In fact, there are more naked men in the movie than there are women. Beowulf strips down and fights Grendel bare, and King Hrothgar is frequently derobing while drunk. I appreciate the equal opportunity, but I’m not really a fan of fanservice. I’m even less of a fan of being in a theatre with fans of fanservice.

The story and acting could have made this movie fantastic, but fell short. I appreciate the updated take on Beowulf and the added irony, but there’s a lack of affection for most of the characters. Beowulf is a generic hero - we get a hint of his boastfulness and heroic spirit, but he’s mostly lost in the action and constantly shouting his own name in an annoying fashion, a-la “this is SPARTA!” We get the sense that King Hrothgar isn’t as foolhardy as he initially seems, but only in glimpses towards the end of the movie. Queen Wealthow is a vision of loveliness, but doesn’t say much and acts out even less - most of her time is spent casting worried glances. Grendel cries in a very congested human voice, which some may find disconcerting but others will find out of place.

The best performances in the movie go to John Malkovich as Unferth and Angelina Jolie as Grendel’s mother. John Malkovich’s role might have been tailor made for him. Unferth is neither good nor bad, a little smarmy, very arrogant but dynamic, and can admit to his own faults. The dialog and Malkovich’s delivery stand out as the voice of intellect in the movie, where all the rest of the men grumble in a forgettable, standard half-brogue. Grendel’s Mother also has some notable speeches, dangerously low-pitched and slithering with lithe consonants. The desired effect may have been creepy and a little sexy, but wound up the other way around - no one minds.

Do shell out some extra for those 3D glasses if you’re a graphics freak. Don’t go if you’re expecting to find something to put next to your Lord of the Rings DVDs. Beowulf is in many ways still the same dry meal you had in your high school English curriculum, only with interesting side dishes.